Mom’s Teachings

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She taught us to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

She taught us RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

She taught us about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

She taught us LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

She taught us FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

She taught us IRONY:
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

She taught us about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

She taught us about CONTORTIONISM:

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

She taught us about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

She taught me about WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

She taught us about HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

She taught us the CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

She taught us about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

She taught us about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

She taught us about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

She taught us about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

She taught us about MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

She taught us ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

She taught us GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

She taught us about our ROOTS:
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

She taught us about WISDOM:
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my personal favorite: My mother taught me about

JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

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